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Amy
Eason is a columnist for The Daily Herald
and The Daily News and her column Another
Day in Paradise will be syndicated soon.
She is currently completing her first book, Curses,
Threats and Happily Ever After (working
title) which should hit bookstore shelves in
2003. Amy is also a member of the Georgia
Writer's Association and the National
Association of Women Writers, and has
recently been accepted as a Panelist for
Heart 2 Heart Stories where she provides
editing and review services. Ms. Eason is an
entertaining and engaging speaker who
promotes a message about finding humor and
wisdom in the details of everyday life. In
her day job as owner of Eason Training and
Consulting, she provides computer technical
support and software training to small
companies. She resides deep in the woods
near McDonough, Georgia along with her
husband, three children, two stepchildren
and too many pets to count. You may reach
her via email at
[email protected].
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Good Bye Cigarettes - Breaking news! I’ve decided to quite smoking. Really. By the time you read this on Wednesday, I should be two full days into my new life as a non-smoker. It’s Sunday night as I write and the plan is to have my last cigarette before bed this evening. Which means that for the next several hours I’ll be smoking like a fiend. You’ll probably be able to see it on the horizon from wherever you are.
I’ve finally made this decision for several reasons. First for my health of course. I’ve had a chronic cough for the better part of the past year and although I seldom notice it, Bex points it out to me on a regular basis. “Do you need me to repeat that to you? You probably didn’t hear me since you were coughing. AGAIN.” And she finds all these darned articles on coughing and lungs and so forth and drops them into conversation as subtly as a dentist sticking a drill in your mouth. “So I finally cleaned out my closet and donated six pairs of black pumps to the Salvation Army because really how many pairs of black pumps does one woman need and you know I found this article that says a chronic cough may be an early indication of emphysema.”
Another reason I’m quitting is because I’m thinking of joining the National Guard and it would be good if I don’t wash out during basic because my lungs won’t let me run five miles.
But wanting to quit and quitting are two different things. I enjoy smoking. Granted, it stinks, it’s unladylike, its expensive, you can even die from it, but there’s just nothing like a cigarette after a good meal. Or with a drink. Or on the way to work in the morning. Or, well, you get the idea.
So how am I going to quit? Being me, I have a list!
1)Put it in the paper so I have all of you holding my feet to the fire. Good, huh?
2)Let every gas station within ten miles of my house know that they shouldn’t sell me cigarettes, even if I beg or hold them at gunpoint.
3)Keep busy. Very busy. By the end of the week, every single item on my two page ‘To Do’ list should be complete. So send me yours, I’ll take care of it too.
4)Spend lots of time on my sailboat where it really isn’t practical to smoke.
5)Throw away the ashtrays. And the lighters. And empty the trash so I can’t dig out old butts. Gross, but if you’ve never tried to quit, you wouldn’t understand. After day two you’d just about lick an ashtray.
6)Exercise – nothing says quit smoking like burning lungs!
7)Drink water and only water. Every other beverage known to man makes me want a cigarette, but for some reason water doesn’t. Yet another benefit to quitting!
8)Substitute alcohol for nicotine. Just kidding. Sort of.
9)Find something to chew on when the craving strikes. Like my boss or one of my kids.
Guess I better have a conversation with the kids to warn them of the rough road ahead. “Children. You will be pleased to know that at long last I am finally acknowledging your desire (which has been drilled into your heads by the public school system since you were four years old) for me to quit smoking. You should be aware that along with the good comes some bad and that anything worth having is worth working for. To that affect, you should be fully understanding of the fact that I will be a complete raving mad woman for approximately 21 days, which, according to the esteemed Surgeon General, is how long it takes to break a habit. During said time, I cannot be held responsible for any outbursts of anger, temper fits, or crying jags. My advice to you is as follows: Do not look at me funny. Do not question me. Do not argue with me. Do not even breathe wrong in my presence. Thank you and have a nice day.”
Am I making a big deal out of this? Yes. Because for once I’d like it to work. I want to quit smoking. So. Here goes.
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Amy Thurman (Formerly Amy Eason) is a weekly columnist at Macon Area Online.
If you enjoy her columns you can write to her at [email protected] or visit her website at www.amy-eason.com.
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